"if it's who i wanted to be"


i feel that time is always running out for me , i don't have enough time for almost every single thing.
lack of sleep almost everyday. :/ so tiring. but nevertheless , i still go to school because i have motivation to go to school everyday and that's you. all my energy comes from you.

somehow , i seriously feel that my life is so much different from others.
i always whine about my life to chris , telling him all sorts of grievance to him.
maybe whining to him makes me feel better , so i'm constantly doing that.
i want to lead a normal life too , worries free , carefree ( or maybe worrying only about studies )
when is that day going to come? everytime i was told something bad happen , i would just feel so lost.
i wondered when will i feel numb about my life? maybe when that day comes , i would not even be around anymore. i'll always be constantly thinking about my life. i'm not going to make do with it.
i always told myself to make a change , make a change and MAKE A CHANGE.
only by doing well in my studies , i'll be able to make a change in my life. sometimes people needs to be forced to do certain things. then they will be able to achieve more.
sometimes everything is not the way i wanted , i wanted to have other things like someone else too.
but i'm so sorry with my life , i'm just born in this enviroment. i don't have silver spoon to feed me.
i want to do well , i know i can do well , i HAVE to do well.
this is LIFE. :(

i still have my baby with me , she's all that i have now.
i can't imagine my current life without her now , without any joy. <3
make me believe in...